My "Secret Life"

One of my biggest pet peeves is people who claim they have OCD because they really like to have things organized, check things multiple times, or don't like germs. They say something like "I'm OCD" (which, by the way, doesn't make sense. That's saying "I'm obsessive compulsive disorder" --what??) while laughing. I've witnessed this happen a lot lately.

Here's a public service announcement: If you can say something like that and laugh at the same time, you clearly don't have OCD, so stop claiming it. If you had this disorder, I promise you wouldn't be laughing about it. It's debilitating and brings a person nothing but anxiety.

I have severe OCD. 

I have for as long as I can remember (at least since I was 4) and it's always been something I've been embarrassed about.

On a recent trip to Phoenix I went out for ice cream with some girlfriends of mine. One of the topics led me to admit to having OCD, which I almost never tell people. They started asking me questions.

Q: What do you do?

A: I count.

Q: What do you count?

A: Everything. Stairs, patterns on the wall, the number of times I chew things or even the number of bites I take, and how many times in a row I scratch my itching arm. But it doesn't stop there. I count the seconds it takes for our fan to oscillate. I count the number of lines on a page in a book. I count the letters in a word, whether it's written out or someone's saying it. I count the syllables in a phrase or a sentence.

I had a really hard time at BYU because I'd be taking notes on a lecture the professor was giving and start counting syllables or letters and completely miss what he would say next. I've also always been a speed reader because if I read things word for word, I can't focus on what I'm reading since I'm too busy counting. Oh, and I always have to end with the number 13. I count to 13 over and over again until I'm done counting whatever it is.

Q: So how often do you count?

A: I never stop counting except in my sleep. This picture sums up how cluttered my mind always is with numbers, even when I'm relaxing:

Then my friend asked

Q: So what are you counting right now?

A: I'm counting the syllables in what you just asked me.

Q: So you're always multitasking? Even while you're talking or listening, you're counting?

A: Yes. Always.

Here's the part where I can't answer anyone's questions.

Q: What's it like to never be able to shut your mind off?

A: I can't say. What's it like to be ABLE to shut your mind off? I've never experienced that in my life 

so that concept is mindblowing to me. 

I remember not being able to sleep at night as a kid and it frustrated me so much I'd come tell my mom I couldn't sleep. She'd have me lie down on the couch and try to help me shut my mind off by imagining things like being at a beach. While she'd describe the beach - the sound of the waves, the beautiful blue sky, the wind on my face - I couldn't stop counting everything she said. It's just not something that I'm capable of turning off. I honestly think it's partly/mostly to blame for why my insomnia is so bad.

And what happens if I don't count? If I try to stop myself from counting, I get so anxious I can't handle anything. My heart races, I feel flushed, I feel dizzy and/or faint, I feel out of control, and the only thought that goes through my head is I NEED TO COUNT. It's like something bad will happen if I don't. I don't think that, but my brain seems to. It's a chemical imbalance in a person's brain that causes OCD and it's the most difficult thing I've ever tried to control. In fact, I can't control it. I have to take medication for it just so I can have some control over my life.

I've always felt really dumb because I have amazingly intelligent siblings, and I'm smart, but not like them. Teachers expected me to be as smart as my brothers and sister and get as good of grades, and I never did. I fell short of everyone's expectations, and everyone let me know that quite often. I always had really low self esteem, and I can attribute most of it to that. It wasn't until 12th grade that my AP Psychology teacher, when she found out I had severe OCD, told me that if I didn't have OCD, I would be able to make much better grades. She told me that was hindering me. It was a real eye-opener for me. Maybe I really wasn't dumb. That was the first time I'd been able to see that maybe I'm smarter than everyone thought - maybe it really was something beyond my control that made me "dumber" than my siblings.

It's funny. I always feel like people must be able to tell I have OCD just by talking to me, and it amazes me that no one's ever noticed. Even my husband says he can't tell. It's all going on in my brain, and to me it's so obvious that it feels like I'm wearing it for the world to see. Like I said, I've always been embarrassed and not told people about it. But after hearing so many people joke about having OCD lately, I had to write this blog.

Orderliness, extreme organization, hatred of germs, and ritual-like behaviors exist in people who don't have OCD. There's also something called OCPD - Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. The difference is that people with OCPD don't see their habits as a bad thing. It doesn't bring them anxiety, and their lives aren't controlled by it. And they feel good afterwards. Basically, it's a choice. 

But for me, it's not a choice, nor do I feel better after counting. So please, the next time you're about to say jokingly that you have OCD, please think to not say it. It makes people like me feel really bitter that other people see it as funny when it's anything but that for us.

And The Baby's Name Will Be...

 ♥ Braden Alexander ♥

This will be our last child because I can't go through another pregnancy with this much pain (and I certainly don't want a third c-section!). I've told a couple people already that if I ever get baby hungry in the future, they need to remind me exactly why I should never get pregnant again.

We're really excited though because we'll have one boy and one girl. It'll be perfect ♥

21 months!

I can't believe my sweet girl is almost 21 months old already! She's turned into a crazy little booger who loves life and has endless amounts of energy, which is hard for me to keep up with when I'm pregnant.

I know it's blurry, but she actually SMILED for the camera for once!

Here are recent facts and stories about Evelyn:

*At least once a week, she'll wake up at about 11pm and again at about 2am...and happily play in her crib! She does this for about an hour each time. It's the strangest thing, but it happens like clockwork!

*Her favorite song is If You're Happy And You Know It. She won't sing it at all but she loves the hand clapping and foot stomping and always does it at the right time. If we make the mistake of singing it once, we usually have to sing it about 10 more times before she'll (sometimes) let us stop.

*Every time I sneeze (which is a lot since my allergies become terrible during pregnancy), Evelyn says "Bess oo!" (Bless you)

*One of Evelyn's favorite games is "counting," meaning she helps us say "1, 2, 3" and then she gets thrown on our bed.

*She puts purse-like things on her arms (gift bags, buckets, etc) and then tells me bye-bye and that she's going shopping:

*She's already taking after her daddy: she loves the Star Wars ABCs book my parents got for her and she's already learned Han Solo, Wookiee, and Tie Fighter.

*She has a cute little boyfriend named Keegn (no, that's not a typo) she met at church and even though he turned 4 last week and she's not even 2, they absolutely adore each other. He's so protective of her and she thinks everything he does is amazing.

*There's a lady at church, Sherrie, that she decided looks like my mom the week after we moved in and calls her bamma (grandma). So when my mom visited last week and she suddenly had both of these "grandmas" in the same room, she was so distracted from everything else. She'd point at my mom saying "bamma" and then turn and point at Sherrie and say "bamma." She did this more than 15 times: "Bamma. Bamma." She was so happy about it.

*One day this past week I was in the bathroom blowing my nose and suddenly I see Phoebe running past at full speed. I wondered why until I saw Evelyn run past a few seconds later, chasing Phoebe with a huge mischievous grin and a purple shovel raised in the air :)
Other times she's so sweet with her dog. She throws her tennis ball around the house for her and tells her "drop it" when Phoebe brings her the ball and "good girl" when she drops it. She also goes out of her way to give Phoebe her toy bone and pet her, and she always is asking me if she can give Phoebe a treat.

She's quite the cuddlebug, but only with Daddy

*She has a favorite puppet and gets nothing but pleasure out of him gobbling up her princesses and then spitting them out.

*Did I mention she has an obsession with Disney princesses? She has Little People, regular figurines, and larger bath toys - 20 in all - and she can't do anything without them. They go to bed with her (ALL of them), she has to take a few in the car, shopping, to church, you name it. She also throws tantrums because she can't carry them all at the same time. At least twice daily, she wants to move them to a different room but won't just move a few at a time. Instead she has a meltdown and cries and yells "PINCESS! PINCESS!" over and over until someone comes and helps her carry them.

Elmo "tickling" her favorite princess, Pocahontas ("Hontas")

*She's such a little mommy. She feeds her baby dolls and princesses her food and holds bottles for them to drink. She puts diapers on her favorite stuffed dog. She makes sure they're always cozy by putting blankets on them and tucking them in. When she sees a real baby and their pacifier or bottle has fallen, she helps them put it back in their mouths. I can't wait for her to be a big sister, she's already so good about everything and loves to help.

Evelyn Renae has been such a huge blessing in our lives. She brings the most stress to our lives, but that's okay because she also brings the most happiness. We love this wild child so much.

6 months already!

I can't believe my little buddy is 6 months old already! She's become the happiest little girl over the past couple months, started sleeping all night long, and just got her first tooth!

She loves food (unless it's peas, then she cries) and LOOOOVES Puffs. She just figured out how to feed herself puffs and is working on crawling (she's still trying to figure out how to move her arms at the same pace as her legs so she faceplants a lot) and sitting (her longest was about 45 seconds BUT she gets distracted super easily and lunges, therefore falling).

Even if she's upset, Matt and I can kiss her tummy and she giggles at us, and her new laugh makes her sound like a velociraptor (shown in the video below) When she wakes up, she happily chatters (and yells) to the fan and the butterflies hanging over her crib for up to 30 minutes before she finally starts getting upset. She laughs at her puppies and always wants to play with them, as shown here:

It's crazy that she's growing up so fast, and I'm loving every minute I have with her. Being a mommy is the hardest thing in the world, but it's also the most rewarding and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love my sweet girl so much.

2 Months

2 months ago today, we were getting ready to go to the hospital the next morning for my scheduled C-section. I was waddling but because I'd hurt my back a few weeks before, I was also limping. I couldn't wait to get this hiccuping, wiggly, head-in-my-ribs baby girl out of me and at least get rid of the waddling and pregnancy pain.

The next 3 days in the hospital, Matt and I had to switch off who got to sleep and who had to hold the baby, because she would only sleep if she was being held. It was adorable and frustrating at the same time. I was in a ton of pain from the surgery and was on pain meds and sleeping the majority of the time, so Matt ended up holding her most of every day while he watched shows on Netflix on his laptop.

My mom came out to help after the first week and ended up staying for 3 weeks for me. The healing process was slow, and when coupled with a newborn who needs to be held to stay asleep, that's a recipe for disaster. There were several nights I fell asleep holding Evs and almost dropped her, so I'd hand her off to my mom. In the morning, I'd see them cuddled up like this:

My mom got her to start sleeping in her bassinet for the first time and had so much great advice for me that has helped a ton. I'm so lucky to have such a loving mother who was willing to come help me for so long and  help me when I needed her most, even at 2am. I love you Momma.

2 months later, I couldn't be happier. Evs is beautiful and perfect in every way. She's a smart girl who wants to see the world (and usually gets overtired and cranky because she never wants to shut her eyes -- she's too busy looking at everything). She's a very happy girl who coos when she wakes up instead of crying and loves staring at fans (she also has conversations with fans -- it's pretty adorable). There have been many [almost] sleepless nights, but she's making up for it now by sleeping around 12 hours at night (even if she does think nighttime starts at 1am or later), only waking 1 or 2 times to eat. She's an absolute Daddy's girl already. Her favorite part of the day besides eating time is being with Daddy.

She was lifting her head up in the first few days of life and rolling from her tummy to her back at 4 weeks. She scoots across her entire bassinet while sleeping and I wouldn't be at all surprised if she decided to start crawling right now! I love this girl, and as tired as she makes me, I wouldn't trade it for the world.

May 6th, the day before Evs was born

What I have 2 months later :)

First Bath!

Evelyn's umbilical cord fell off early this morning, so we gave her her first bath this afternoon before Matt went to work. She screamed for about half of it, but the other half she was pretty calm!

My itty-bitty baby in her currently huge tub

Showin' off those lungs!

She HATED having her hair washed more than anything

And finally calm! Yay!

We gave in & introduced the pacifier to her this morning -- all she ever wants to do is suck, so this pacifier's going to save us (meaning ME) and give us a happier baby!

She kept dozing off when I brushed her hair afterwards - when I stopped, she started crying!

Breech / Transverse

My baby girl seemed to be going along with the plans for awhile. She was head down for a few weeks, which I could tell since she gets the hiccups at least 2x a day. Then about 1 1/2 weeks ago, I suddenly 

realized she was sideways.

Sideways!

I could feel her head on one side and her bum sticking out on the other! Let me tell you, babies THIS size do not fit sideways in a belly. It's so painful! She spends the majority of each day in the transverse position (she is as I'm typing this), but sometimes she's head up. Ever since she flipped, she hasn't been head down a single time! 

I can always tell from the hiccups :)

I went to the OB yesterday and asked him when he would start worrying about needing to do a c-section. He felt the baby and told me he was pretty sure she was head down, but he did a quick ultrasound to make sure. He looked at the screen, sighed, and told me "I hate it when you're right." So he talked to me about breech babies. I had 2 options:

1. Have an external version, where they try to manually flip the baby

or

2. Schedule a c-section

Guess which one I chose? I'll give you a hint: definitely not the c-section!

My OB warned me that a version is painful, and if my abdomen is sensitive (which it is), it's going to be even worse. He also said it's only a 50% chance that it will work AND she won't flip back. So who knows, I could go through a bunch of pain just to find out she's switching back to breech or transverse. And since she's been in the head down position before and apparently doesn't like it as much as her other options, I'm afraid she will be stubborn and flip back. If this doesn't work out, my OB does want me to schedule a c-section. I'll try to put it off for a bit in the off-chance that she flips on her own. Who knows what could happen in the next 3 weeks!

I have to check in at the hospital at 10am tomorrow even though the version isn't until noon. Matt's going with me & will be studying for exams while they prep me & monitor the baby, so at least I won't be alone.

One thing I have to admit I am excited for...is that they'll do an ultrasound at the hospital tomorrow. I haven't seen her on an ultrasound screen since 18/19 weeks!

34 weeks

Forgive my lack of caring how I look for a picture. For the first time ever, I don't care. 

At all. 

How bad I look in this picture pretty much sums up how I've been feeling recently.

All that matters is the belly.

34 weeks

I'm definitely in my nesting phase. Only problem is the doctor has told me I have to stop cooking, cleaning, and anything else that increases my heart rate.

My "normal" heart rate for the past few months has been between 110-120, but now it's over 120. My OB was finally worried when he found out my heart rate has been this high (I'd told him, but he just told me it was normal; he never asked HOW high it was) and sent me to my regular doctor. He did an EKG and everything's normal. They're taking me off a medicine I've been on the past few months and hoping that's what it is, but so far no change!

Who knows how long this will last, but it's already been a week. I'm going crazy, there are so many things I want to cook, so many cleaning projects I want to do (and ones I started but now can't finish), and holy cow, I want to exercise!

The only thing keeping me from doing these things is reminding myself that it could hurt Evelyn, so I need to take care of myself & take it easy (and I do...for the most part...). It's not bedrest but it certainly is 

feeling like it! It's TORTURE!

Counting Down The Days

We had both dogs shaved today (if I vacuum every 3 days, their fur fills up the canister in each room. It's disgusting). We knew Sam would look funny, but we weren't at all prepared for what we saw. We couldn't stop laughing when they brought him to us.

BEFORE (I still don't know why he climbed into our shower)

AFTER

Phoebe's change wasn't as dramatic as Sam's, so it wasn't nearly as funny. Only weird thing with her is what they did with the tail: They shaved the first inch of it and left the rest alone, which simply looks awkward

(also seen in the picture above).

29 weeks!

(And people are FINALLY daring to ask me whether I'm pregnant! 

It's about time!)

I'm not looking forward to these next 11 weeks, but I can't wait to have 

Baby Evelyn in my arms!

My symptoms going into the 3rd trimester:

*I've had SPD (the pelvis separating) almost a month, and that shouldn't happen until closer to giving birth. As a result, walking is absolute torture. So is rolling over in bed, putting on & taking off clothes, etc. My OB said the only thing that will make it not hurt so much is staying off my feet, and the pain won't go away till I've had the baby. Yay for encouraging words.


*My "morning sickness" came back about 3 weeks ago, but most days it's only at night. When it reaches about 8-9pm, I curl into a ball for the rest of the night.


*Leg cramps are insane, especially while I'm sleeping.


*Braxton Hicks accompany me day and night. My record so far is 3 within a 15 minute span. And I don't understand people who say they don't hurt. Sure, a few of them have only been uncomfortable, but for the most part, they're painful!


*Hot flashes: I wake up nearly every night (sometimes multiple times) drenched in sweat. It's absolutely disgusting. Now as of yesterday, I'm getting them through the day also.


*Arrhythmia: My heart starts racing several times a day and it makes me feel really uptight and anxious, even if I'm just laying there and reading a book. It usually lasts 10 minutes or less. When I told my doctor, I hoped he would have some kind of suggestion to make it stop, but he just told me "It's common." Ugh.


*Pregnancy Brain: This one is my favorite. I forget things within a minute, and sometimes my brain completely stops functioning. Like this morning, I put the rest of my Chick-fil-A sandwich in the microwave to heat it up. Best part? I left it in the paper wrapper, which caught on fire and became an amazing 4 inch flame! I amaze myself, that's the first time I've done something like that in my entire life!

I'm counting down the days, I can't wait for all of this to end!

Christmastime

I was a bit upset when Target informed me that they were taking me off the schedule a week early (the week after Christmas instead of the first week of January). Once again, however, I've been reminded that the Lord knows what's going on even when I don't. Matt got into a car accident 2 days before Christmas and totalled the car, leaving us with 1 car to share. He started back to school during what would have been my last days of work, so if I had still been on the schedule, I wouldn't have been able to make it to work. It was a huge blessing in disguise that I'd been dropped already.

Then I had a random surprise this week: Target called a few days ago to inform me that I'm on next week's schedule. I told them I could only work Tues, Thurs, and Sat, since that's when Matt doesn't need the car for school -- and fortunately they'd scheduled me for Thurs & Sat! The extra bit of money is going to be a huge blessing! That should be my last week now.

About the car accident, Matt's fine. He came out of it with only a headache for the next few days. Even though he rolled the car, he was being watched out for: there wasn't even any broken glass, no minor whiplash, no bruises, and the airbags didn't even deploy! We're seeing this as an even bigger blessing because the car kept almost its entire worth, and we were given a check that we can use to buy a cheap car with and then pay off all or most of the loan we took out on my car!

Phoebe's finally discovered that she's capable of jumping our fence. Not only that, but she thinks it's a game. When she jumps, she then runs around to our front door and scratches until I open it. When I open it, she's sitting very politely and her tail's wagging like crazy. We can't let them run around outside anymore when we leave the house, and most of the time when we are home, we have to go outside with them. We're trying to teach her and Sam to not jump on the wall now. Phoebe's catching on as long as she knows we can see her, but Sam's not catching on at all. Even when we use the spray bottle when he jumps, he somehow doesn't understand that it would stop spraying him if he'd just get down...

Christmas Day - 20 weeks

Christmas was a wonderful time for us. We got to spend plenty of time together, Matt was safe, and our baby girl is healthy. What more could we ask for?

Soccer Pro Before Birth

Baby never sits still. EVER. We saw this starting at 8 1/2 weeks on an ultrasound. The little bugger was that small and already squirming nonstop. That's actually why the OB told us we had less than a 1% chance of miscarriage in the rest of the first trimester.

When we got the next ultrasound at 13 weeks, she was doing flips, punching, kicking, everything possible.

Around 15 weeks, I started feeling her moving while I tried to sleep. Everyone says the baby kicking feels like "fluttering" in your stomach for at least the first few weeks -- till it gets bigger and can make more of an impact. I disagree. For the first 3 or so days, it was the fluttering. After that, it stopped. Maybe it's just because Baby keeps cornering herself in one side of my tummy (which looks kinda funny-- when she does it, which is about 1/2 of each day, I look about a month further in my pregnancy if you see me from my right side than from my left), but I've felt real kicking since about 15 1/2 weeks.

I can't begin to imagine what I'm in for in the remaining 23 weeks!

17 weeks

P.S. Congratulations to Darilyn & Jonathan Jeter on their new arrival! Best of luck to both of you!!! :)

Bits & Pieces

Work is killing me! The baby is slowly breaking my back, and I swear I'll need back support before I reach 5 months! One of my co-workers (older woman who's apparently losing her filter a little bit) found out yesterday that I'm pregnant, and her response made my day: "I thought you were. But then I thought 'Nah, she's just fat.'" At least I'm starting to sort of look pregnant to people!

In my spare time I'm crocheting a baby blanket. It's gender neutral because I started it before we found out we're having a girl. It's a ripple afghan, which is fortunately much easier than I thought it would be (I haven't crocheted since high school, so I require something easy). I just started the 4th ball of yarn and this is its current state:

I have to be careful every time I work on it because Phoebe thinks it's a new toy and will do anything to get some in her mouth and try to run with it.

Speaking of my puppy...She loves people-watching. The weirdo absolutely adores it. She'll growl once in a while, like if another dog walks past or the mailman walks up to our house, but usually she sits there quietly for the longest time. We open the front blinds so she can do her people-watching, and she's started climbing on the ottoman for it now. I finally caught it on camera this afternoon:

Silly puppy.

This dog absolutely makes my day :) She's a psycho and always puts a smile on my face.

Almost 15 Weeks

I still get really sick if I don't take my medicine (Promethazine) but I'm doing tons better! We went for an NT Scan a week ago and found out we're having a girl! They're going to confirm it in a few weeks, but the woman who did the scan was nearly positive. Little Evelyn Renae is due on May 11, 2012. We're so excited to meet our baby! She's healthy so far, development looks fine, heartbeat is great, and she wiggles like crazy! Here are pics from the scan at 13 weeks:

This is her favorite position -- facing down with her head in my back... 

Baby Profile

I HATE 4-D ultrasound pictures. I really do. Babies have no fat at this point so they're disgusting and lumpy. But I love seeing her tiny fingers. Growing a baby night and day is a blessing and a miracle!

Here's where we found out it's an Evelyn. The dark horizontal white line near  the pelvic area means girl!

I lost my waist by around 8 weeks and started showing pretty early on, at least for a first time mother! I'm not a fan of any of these pics, but they're all I have:

This was taken a couple weeks after we found out, this was around  the 4th week.

13 weeks, but I'd just eaten and my tummy always gets a bit bigger when I eat

14 weeks, I made sure I had my pic taken before I ate this time :)

Vertigo?

I did a hearing test this morning and apparently have nearly perfect hearing. The doctor said I have the hearing of a fifth grader, so I can't complain too much! It makes up for my husband losing his hearing already (due to ultra loud music all the time *ahem*).

I've been diagnosed with vertigo (dizziness caused by fluid in the inner ear -- while standing or sitting) and was sent to an ENT. He checked everything and asked me questions, and at the end he told me I don't fit into any certain category of vertigo, so he's not sure how to treat it. Now I'm going to have to do a "dizzy test," which obviously already sounds thrilling. And just for the heck of it, I'm going to have allergy testing done also. I have allergies of some kind year round, so I might as well see if I can avoid any of them.

I'm having a Nuchal Translucency (NT) Scan today, which should give a REALLY good guess on the gender of the baby!!

I got a seasonal job at Target that I'm starting in about a week. I need to get out of this house and get my mind on things other than how sick I'm feeling. Being here day after day gets really frustrating, and who am I to complain about a bit of extra money around the holidays? (Actually it'll probably go towards bills and student loans, but a girl can dream!) Hopefully the pregnancy swelling doesn't get too bad, otherwise a job where I'm constantly standing will be terrible!

People That I So Adore...

...Translating to the fact that when I go grocery shopping and come back to find a dent in my car -- and no one present -- I am NOT a happy camper.

 

It's True!

I'm 8 1/2 weeks along! We were going to wait to tell people until 12 weeks, but we just got home from an ultrasound and the doctor said that with how much wiggling the baby's already doing, the chance of miscarriage in the rest of the 1st trimester is less than 1%. With how nauseous I've been since Saturday (not even keeping down water!), it's hard to keep pretending like I'm just sick.

The due date is May 10, 2012. We found out after I'd only been pregnant for ONE WEEK (no "normal" at-home pregnancy tests should pick that up so soon!), so it's a major relief to finally be able to tell people after waiting for the past 7 weeks!!

How Phoebe Greets Her Daddy...Psycho Dog.

We finally got Phoebe jumping on camera so now we can teach her that's NOT what she does when she sees her Daddy...

Paraffin Dip...

I've gone to 2 sessions of physical therapy for my wrists now (I had a test done by a neurologist a couple months ago that showed it's tendinitis, not carpal tunnel-- No surgery for me!! :)). My therapist does a paraffin dip each time that is absolute heaven. It's the main thing I look forward to. The paraffin is basically a melted mineral wax that you repeatedly dip your hand into and let it dry between each dip. She ties a bag around each hand after I've dipped it enough times, and she wraps it with a towel to keep the heat in. I basically have wax drying around my hands for 10 or so minutes, and it's amazing.  It's mixed with lavender, which is a natural anti-inflammatory, and I can do anything for hours afterwards without my wrists hurting at all :) Then, when everything's done, it peels off. I can wear my wedding ring the whole time and nothing sticks to it.

So. Heavenly.

I've decided I want a personal paraffin dip in my home. That's my new goal. 

It'll happen... Somehow...

♥ Life is Wonderful ♥

Have you ever gone through life only focusing on the bad parts? Constantly thinking "When does it get better? Will the stress go away? Why can't things be easy for awhile?" and then have something simple but wonderful happen that reminds you how perfect life really is? That happened today, and I'm suddenly feeling so blessed and realizing how much I really should be counting my blessings. What an amazing thing to be reminded of! 

. . . I still would appreciate not being sick anymore though :) Allergies &

drainage (that allergy medicine has no effect on) are awful!

"I Must, I Must, I Must Increase My Bust"

There's a book I read when I was younger that I'll never forget -- especially for one specific reason...

Did anyone else ever read "Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret" by Judy Blume? She does an exercise that's supposed to increase your boob size and says certain words that are supposed to go along with it.

"I must, I must, I must increase my bust."

Am I the only one who read that at a young age (10 yrs old, I think) and honestly tried the exercise she did in the book, thinking that it just might make me magically have boobs? And I can't lie, I did mutter those words under my breath while I did it. I had to say it quietly because I didn't want anyone to hear me in case it wasn't true. I didn't do it for long before I realized it wasn't working.

13 years later, I still have no boobs. Dang it. Judy Blume failed me as a child! Oh the false hopes of childhood...